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Obama’s policy

Obama’s policy

Paper instructions:
I gave a write this paper and they still haven’t been able to provide a quality paper for me yet. This paper is worth 35% of my final grade and it a graduate paper.
below is the original instructions.
Students will pair off to defend/critique the foreign policies of recent presidents. Prepare a 750 word paper (3 page, double-spaced) that presents and critiques the foreign policy of the president you represent.

Obama’s policy
There was [is an? Stay in present tense when you can. It’s more captivating!] inexorable tension between Obama’s rhetoric analyses and desire for essential change, from one viewpoint, and his impulse for acting practically, on the other. Avoid too much flowering or awkward language.[Mohammed: This was a comment not a suggestion for insertion.] Every now and then an apt metaphor in line with accomplishing the goals set is not clear at all, to the masses and the whole world. [Not sure what this last sentence means. Just delete everything after the first sentence in this para. Doesn’t say anything.]
Obama has been tackling major issues on the global front that affect many nations, and also influence the various relationships US has with the outside world.
Obama came to office accepting that the nation’s policies were greatly dependent on the choices that the people made. He also noted that the United States could not bear the burden in relation to tackling its domesticated [domestic?] issues and the global challenges without anyone else’s input. Mr. Obama’s remote approach objectives incorporated reconstructing worldwide economic growth to the tests of environmental change, lessening the amount of atomic weapons and anticipating their multiplication, and completion American military engagement in Iraq and Afghanistan. He ran on a platform of always working towards ending any imminent [existing? Imminent means “coming”] wars, not beginning them.
One of the major objectives has been to have China turned into a dependable player in the present liberal worldwide order, one that acknowledges the framework’s order’s fundamental objectives and standards and helps to achieve them. On the other hand, the Obama’s administration has discovered that other societal settings would not accommodate his intuitions. [What does this sentence mean in relation to previous one. Help reader follow your thinking.] In spite of the fact that China is more prominent in the world presently a main consideration in worldwide issues, it still sees itself as an advancing nation whose commitment is above all else to develop its economy, not to assume worldwide obligations.
On environmental change, at Copenhagen, Obama designed American and Chinese engagement in a record that needed both, and has held off affirming the Keystone pipeline, to the mortification of Canadian governments and oil companies, until the ensuing oil sands advancement is demonstrated not to be censure. In supporting the call of Henry Kissinger, George Shultz, Bill Parry and Sam Nunn to pursue the objective of a planet free of atomic weapons, he has formed all resulting choices [what does that mean?] in relation to the prevailing issues on the global front. It is worth noting that every living soul’s atomic analytics might have changed, and the objective might have been rendered disputable.[Again, this sentence means nothing] He has ]How about instead “signed anclosed an atomic weapons agreementconcurrence with Russia and secured an understanding witharound 44 nations with atomic offices to control atomic material. He removed United States of America’s constrains [troops?] from Iraq, secured a calendar to do the same in Afghanistan, backstopped NATO’s freeing the universe of Libya’Moammer Gaddafi and promoting the standard of Responsibility to Protect all the while, and converted the unattainable war on dread [what is dread?] into a wage-able war on al-Qaeda and its subsidiaries, yet by having plan of action to the lawfully and ethically doubtful method of automaton warfare.
Despite the fact that it has been contemplated strongly by political researchers, the relationship between general assumption and the U.S. renowned Foreign Policy remains dinky. [Better than previous sentence would be “Because of the tension between Obama’s rhetoric and actions, his foreign policy accomplishments remain marginal.”] Today, most of the opinions from the public contend on whether the “Iraq syndrome” around the general population is restraining the Obama organization from running to war with Syria.
Mohamed, This is a little better but still a long way from being good writing and analysis. Do you talk like you write. Why don’t you talk out your paper into a recorder? Then write it up and edit. Your style is very stiff, often seems to just be playing with words rather than saying something. I still couldn’t give this a grade higher than a C+. Give it another try and think about each sentence and paragraph.

 

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